So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's the barista slut.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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