my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
