I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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