I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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