I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
