I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
