I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
