It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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