god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
