Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
