is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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