And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
