What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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