got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
