3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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