I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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