i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
