My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
