this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
