just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
