i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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