I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
