Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
