i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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