Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
