btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
