She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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