question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
