Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
