I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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