I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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