Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
