Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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