Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't turn off my feet"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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