She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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