areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
