Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
