it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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