I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
