3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
