it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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