no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
