I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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