the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
