my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
