My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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