I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
