I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
