I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
