i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
