Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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