we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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