We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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