Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
