he looks like a really good dad on facebook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will pee on everything he values.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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