One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store