my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.