Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?