dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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