I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
