I want to stick my p in your. b.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
