it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
