now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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