with your own penis?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
