Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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