I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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