for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
