I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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