I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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