dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
