just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
