You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
